I was on the phone with my grandmother and mentioned how utterly bizarre this all was. To see the world shut down and be cut off from any and all physical contact. No offices, no restaurants, no bars, no traveling. I couldn’t think of anything to even remotely compare it to.
And she says, “You know what? Neither can I. And I’m a lot older than you.”
I laughed but it drove home how completely uncharted this all is. We’ve had to figure out a new normal logistically but have we thought much about our benchmarks for our personal lives? No one in living history can truthfully say what the right way to respond is. What we perceive as normal thoughts, feelings, and behaviors just don’t apply here. And it’s okay.
It’s okay if you’re having drastically different experiences from your friends. If your feed is filled with couples and your group chat is making virtual double dates but the only person you’ve spoken to is the man running your favorite tent at the farmers market—arguably the highlight of your week. No one’s fault. That’s just where the cards fell.
It’s okay if some days you’re filled with energy and purpose and tackle the world from the safety of your home, but other days you can barely get off the floor. Gravity pressing down on you with the same pressure you’ve put on your medication of choice. What the doctor ordered, be it coffee or something stronger. Not every day is going to be good, but at least there’s a new one every 24 hours.
It’s okay if this has pushed you back to a place you thought you’d never return to, resurfaced things you thought you were over.
It’s okay to be struggling even harder if you’re doing this alone. It doesn’t make you weak to realize how much you need other people and wish you had someone by your side. It makes you human.
There’s no blueprint here. I’m trying to practice radical acceptance and allow myself to feel what I’m feeling in that moment without trying to talk myself out of it or ascribe any value judgment to it. You’re not alone in this time because you’re unloved and will always be. It’s just where someone hit pause on the movie. But it’ll start again. And we won’t know what happens next until it does.
But in the meantime, it’s okay.